It has taken me forever to write this post.
Somehow I can't find the right words.
Perhaps because I am blinded by tears rolling down my face.
This is a picture of my baby cat Merlyn. I say "baby cat" because he is our youngest. He is 13 years old. He is a lover. Completely unconditional with his hugs, kisses, purrs and kneads; he rubs my back when I can't sleep. Gives so much affection he is unlike any cat I have ever known. He has helped John and me through some horrifically tragic times in life.
And he now has cancer.
It is an ugly and aggressive cancer growing from his chin up into his mouth. It makes it tough for him to eat. Surgery is not possible due to the location of the cancer and chemo or radiation would be purely selfish on our part. There is no chance of survival.
So these days I am spending time with him. Coaxing him to eat. Providing a warm spot for him to sleep. Brushing his belly, grooming his face, just being with him.
I can not bear to think about it much. It's been many years since I have felt this much pain.