Sunday, July 05, 2009

You don't spit into the wind

I've been taking spitting lessons for several months now. Yep, its true. John is teaching me. I don't know what it is about men, why spitting comes so naturally to them. Its almost like women with the laundry buzzer, like why does it come naturally to me to instantly respond?

Anyhoo, when I first met John we jogged together and he would always spit while he was jogging. I had never spit in public before but I tried it and hmmm, made good sense. Especially while jogging. Lately however, I have wanted to be able to spit further, like really spit, maybe even aim my spit, you know what I mean?

John and I frequently walk to the creek that runs behind our neighborhood. It is a daily visitation for me, part of my walk, I always stand on the bridge and check out the fish. If John happens to be with me, he will spit way out into the creek and the fish will swim to the surface. I want to be able to do that too. He has tried to show me, but it never fails that I will get my spit all organized in my mouth but then completely s-p-r-a-y it all over with only a droplet or two even making it into the creek. And that's if I'm lucky. I am a shotgun spitter. John is a rifle spitter.

Today we were walking in a fine misty rain. It was lovely really, a cool morning and the mist felt delightful on my skin. I decided to jog ahead and took off running. Which is when I turned my head to spit to the left......and ended up spitting on my own shoulder. don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger and you don't mess around with Jim......


  1. I think I just peed a little bit while laughing so hard at the visual you just gave us...

  2. Can you roll the sides of your tongue up and make it like a straw? It's a good way to get some distance on the spit.

  3. I know what you are talking about. As kids, my sister and I, learned how to spit and we would have spitting contests. How about 12 feet?!

  4. HA! You crack me up.
    Lord, I hate spit so much, I think I may have just have lay down and died.
    Ya gotta love a woman who takes spitting lessons. I imagine an expert spitter could prove her point real darn quick.
    You go, girl!



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