I am holed up in the studio readying myself for the next show, which also happens to be my last outdoor art fair for 2006. It is hard to stay in the moment as my mind is racing ahead to all the things I want to do once the shows are over. I am taking a long time off, months in fact, to replenish the well and explore all the ideas I have been journaling. Because I have been very focused (oh, you think I'm obsessive?) with the shows and have simply not allowed myself the luxury of dabbling in other mediums or even varying my process too much.
That is a luxury you know, all that Play. I have several friends who spend a lot of time at Play and I can't believe how envious I am. That is the kind of thing that can make me jealous(if I let it), seeing other artists with the freedom to engage in full-time Play. Because I used to do that myself before I made the decision to have a business and put myself fully "out there." This making of art for business, the business of art to earn a living, changes everything. It has to really, if you expect it to work and any reader knows I am nothing if not determined.
I remember being a wild horse, running free, stopping here and there to munch, sniff, scratch an itch. Then I was pastured, but still had quite a lot of freedom to ramble around at will. Now I would say I am harnessed. And sometimes, on those bad days when I am feeling completely overwhelmed (yeah, that happens even to Pollyanna girl) it feels like I am dragging a cart behind me.
Don't get me wrong, no complaints here, I love what I am doing and I am not just saying that because I write these words on a public blog. I reallyreallyreally love what I am doing, it is so inextricably linked to who I am I simply could. not. stop. I check myself with that silly old question: What would you do if you won the lottery? And of course I would do exactly the same thing I am doing. Possibly not as many shows because this was an extraordinary year. I was naive to enter so many shows. Then I had amazing good fortune to be accepted into so many of them. Being new at this, I didn't want to decline any opportunity. In retrospect it got a little crazy at times, that being a slight understatement which will cause my husband to snort while reading this sentence.
So here I am nearly at my season's end. A little tired. OK, make that a lot tired. But also feeling very fullfilled and certainly proud that I have accomplished what I set forth to do. I am blessed beyond belief. And this little horsey is champing on the bit to P-L-A-Y and see what comes up next.