Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Potty talk

It has been awhile since I shared a pet peeve. It's one of those subjects never discussed, a dirty little secret of sorts. Yet something I notice all the time in public women's bathrooms. You ladies all know what I am talking about - women who pee on toilet seats.

I mean what's up with that?

The thing is, I'm guessing most of us can plead guilty to this at one time or another because it is drilled into all girly girls that we must not ever, under any circumstances, actually sit on a public toilet seat. Which means we have to learn to pee while squatting and that is when the potential dribble occurs. OK, I'll be the first to confess, I've done it myself. But at least I have the decency to clean up for the next person.

In fact, I believe I have refined if not perfected a Squat, Swipe and Kick/Flush technique. It goes something like this:

Perch yourself over the toilet. It really works best as a squat, like if you have ever lifted weights, a true squat with your butt stuck out in an unseemly fashion. This allows for proper balance (even in stilettos) and ensures that you are actually over the toilet bowl as opposed to the seat.


Wipe, but hold onto to the toilet paper for a second longer as you quickly peruse the seat to see if any dribbling has occurred. If so, use the paper to quickly swipe the seat clean, then drop the paper into the toilet. Turn and flush using a karate-like kick of the handle. Voila. It's quick, it's efficient and no flesh ever touches a questionable surface.

Don't even talk to me about how I handle all the Porta-Johns I encounter at these outdoor art fairs.......


  1. Anonymous8:39 AM

    I have never atually been in a porta-potty -- you must take some time to describe that experience, please. BTW, have you ever known anyone who caught a disease from a toilet seat? Mary from KC

  2. Please, please, please share a photo of your stilettos with us !!!
    When we were in Hong Kong, many of the public bathroooms are only for squatters.....there is no toilet, just a hole in the floor with integrated shoe prints next to it to let you know where to put your you stand on the shoe prints, squat over the hole, pee and wipe !!! No wonder they live to be 100, look at all that extra exercise they've been getting over most of us !!!!!

  3. The public restrooms in much of Europe are like what Beth describes in Hong Kong: a lovely clean ceramic hold in the ground with (raised, so your shoes don't get wet in case of early flushage) footie-prints.

    Porta-potties, or Biffies (Depending on what part of the country you're in, and whether they're made by the Porta-San/ Porta-John co in MN or BFI in CA) are an experience, let me tell you. (a) always check the seat first, (b) bring rosemary to tie up somewhere, (c) always put the seat cover DOWN when you're done, so the venting can go where it's supposed to, and (d) seriously consider learning to pee standing up: (and um, no, I haven't figured this one out yet, assisted or not).

    I actually don't know anyone (else) who does the squat method, but I'm all about the karate kick flushing.

    And NO cellphones.
    I confess that I have been heard to laugh such folk to scorn out loud, a time or two.


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