Thursday, May 28, 2009

My Life: A Play in One Act

CHARACTERS, in order of Appearance:

#1 - Character offstage, never seen, his snoring sounds are heard through out

#2 - Raging housewife, suffering from insomnia

#3 and #4 - 2 cats

ACT I takes place in a Midwestern suburban home. It is dark, a rainy night. Scene opens on the 2nd floor of the house, in a U-shaped hallway which looks out onto the 2 story foyer and stairwell with two landings. 4:15 am

CHARACTER #1: guttural snoring sounds emanate from an unseen location

[crazed woman in nightgown emerges from a room, wielding a large spray bottle, she is shouting in a forced whisper]
"You guys, I've had eeeeeennnnnnuuuuufffff!" )as she starts wildly spraying a stream of water at 2 startled cats wrestling on the floor.

CHARACTER #3 and 4:
Cats scatter, one leaping off the top landing to a lower space, one taking the stairs. Both disappear.

CHARACTER #2: woman walks to rail to see if cats have gone and/or are still alive, spray bottle hangs in her limp arm. [her movement triggers the sensor from across the street neighbor's flood light and the area is suddenly illuminated to reveal her haggard face.]

"long sigh......" and she returns to the room from which she emerged.

The End


  1. sounds like my daughter's apartment....the cat has figured out how to open the cabinets in the bathroom and kitchen just enough to squeeze her body inside and then the door closes and she can't get back out...and sits and cries until someone comes to her rescue and then does the same thing over and over again !!!

    this is why I have a dog :)

  2. Seriously--have you been spending the night at my house?

  3. That is hilarious but maddening. In our house we use a squirt gun. The cats don't know where the offending water comes from. We call the gun the Act of God!

  4. Karyl2:56 PM

    NOW I am worried...


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