Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Is this my theme song?

I feel like I haven't written anything of substance for awhile. Actually I haven't done anything of substance for awhile, or at least it feels that way. I am a hamster on a wheel. Not really going anywhere, just spinning away.

The problem is the same. I have gotten seriously out of balance. I hate it when this happens. Somehow my exercise has fallen by the wayside and that is key for me. I have gone from 2 Yoga classes a week to one every few weeks. Not good. My walk/run routine has fallen apart too ever since that hip issue which still isn't perfect and bugs me from time to time. And, as my exercise has fallen apart, my work has increased (which is good) so I have been quite busy, but further out of whack.

Days turn into weeks turn into months and here I am, struggling to keep up, maintain pace, fulfill the obligations falling off my plate. Naturally I meet all the deadlines, I am driven that way, to a fault.

But I absolutely CRAVE some downtime. Like a food craving, except I feel it in every single pore. Real, serious, uninterrupted(this is key) downtime, not spent doing familial or other self imposed obligations. But selfish (yes, this is how it feels) ME time, I even sort of cringe to say it that way, it feels waaaayyy too self indulgent, worse than a pedicure which I also haven't had time for. But I digress. I want time when I can do whatever I want, just mess around in the studio and PLAY. Make Christmas cookies. Read a book. Do some sketching. Hike. Take a nap. Perhaps fix dinner, like actually cook, I think I remember how.

I promised my coach I would devote 2 full weeks after my shows are over, starting on Dec. 12th. Now of course I am negotiating with myself. Because honestly I can't really start just then, I have all the Christmas gifts to attend to, not only buying and wrapping, but shipping since 80% of our recipients live out of town. So I have pushed myself back to the 18th. And now my brother and his wife want to come and visit us between Xmas and New Year's, further eroding my time. Which means I have a window of about 5 days.


1 comment:

  1. I am retired and find myself busier than I want to be, so I understand what you are saying. I'm pretty impressed with your artistic achievements. What helps me is to avoid "all-or-nothing thinking." Instead of yearning for a big block of downtime, take one day. Get yourself a pedicure and a massage and then spend the rest of the day DOING NOTHING--napping, reading, whatever. It really is energizing.


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