Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Matchmaker, matchmaker

An unnamed friend of mine wanted to put up an ad (I suppose that is what they are called?) on a certain unnamed website. One that is known for making matches of the romantic variety. I was chosen to assist.

Why? Maybe because she thinks I have a way with words. Or perhaps because I know her quite well and she was hopeful I would come up with clever yet appealing phrases to describe her endearing idiosyncrasies? Or maybe it was my sheer stamina......

Seriously, we worked at this for I don't know how many hours last night, let's say 3 at least. It was nuts. Page after page of questions, checklists, places to put little essays, pictures, etc. It just went on and on. By the end I was ready to date her just to make it stop.

Before starting I wanted to check out the competition so I could see what other women in the age group were saying. Hmmm, there is no way to say this delicately.....they are liars. They have to be. With the rate of obesity in our country, there is absolutely no way that every available female in the 55-65 age group works out 3-4 days a week and has a slender well toned body. Now really. Although it could be that ol' fear of someone seeing you naked diet. I remember John and I were both on it when we met. Today it's the fat and happy eating plan.

But I digress.

After checking out the competition, we perused the supply of men. They are, for the most part, liars as well. Many claim to prefer cuddling, a moonlit walk on the beach, putting the needs of their partner first. They are frequently active with all types of outdoor hobbies, love to be out and about. I am sure these guys never lay on the couch watching sports on TV. And guys without shirts. Must be some sort of prerequisite for the men. Nearly every single guy had a photo of himself, very tan of course, without a shirt, typically standing next to or on a cool looking boat. Then there was this loser wearing a Speedo......pleasepleaseplease.....I offer this as a public service announcement to all male readers........women do NOT like Speedo bathing suits, never have and never will. Get rid of the Speedo. Now. Destroy all evidence you ever owned one and I beg you, for the love of God, burn any pictures.

Finally we got to the task of crafting a listing. We tried to be honest. Funny is hard in the singles arena as you never know how it will come off; I would love to do a completely humorous listing and see how that plays. But it's risky. So we went for playful yet sincere. Found a couple great photos - a casual portrait type plus a couple active shots, on a bike, next to a horse. You get the scene. I'm telling you, I would date her in a minute.

Anyway, it is done now. And I made sure she actually hit enter and paid for it(you have to PAY for this!?!?!? I am so naive). Pending approval. I suppose that is to make sure you haven't done anything unseemly or profane? Hard to imagine how that Speedo got through.


  1. Anonymous11:10 AM

    That is, hands down, the funniest thing you have ever written on this blog. Well, I lie. I must admit to reading a vast minority of your postings. Maybe it's because I was a witness to the process you are describing? Who knows. I can only tell you that I exploded laughing and now my green tea is all over my lap.

  2. Anonymous9:48 AM

    I have to agree with most of your comments about the online dating scene. So many profiles, so many lies, so few real people. That being said, the interesting ones usually stand out like sore thumbs. And I'm with you on the whole Speedo thing. (a.k.a. "marble bag.") I certainly wouldn't want to be pictured in one unless I had a body like Mark Spitz. Most guys look like they've got some sort of prickly pear catctus in their suit. NASTY!

  3. Anonymous10:04 PM

    Hysterical MB! This is TOO funny! Speedo are they kidding. I am playing around with the hubby's MAC and thought I would check out your site. Looks lovely. Look forward to a chat next week. I promise I WILL be there! -SG


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